Okay.

This feeling sucks I swear. Super confused and paranoid right now. I don’t know what’s best anymore. Who to trust.. What to do.. You know, stuff like that. I’ve been doing everything not to mess things up but I don’t know.. Meh. I don’t know anymore. I feel like a failure or something. Like I’m meant to be alone. Sure, people come and go. That’s the sad truth. Why can’t I just accept it? Right? It’s that simple I guess.. ’cause it happens all the time. 

But no. It’s not that simple. For me, at least.

Sigh.

Okay.. so maybe I’m the problem.

Yeah, maybe that’s it.

What’s happening?

Alright. So I really shouldn’t be blogging right now. (blame Chem huhu) But then.. I think I also need to get some stuff out of my system. You know. For my sanity’s sake. HAHA Kidding? Anyway.

It’s the first day of February and things are going really really well. Yeah, there’s certainly sarcasm right there. I don’t know why but I really feel distant to some people right now. As if something has changed in just a matter of days. (you know, from last week to this week) I really don’t understand what’s happening. All I know is I hate feeling like this. It sucks. Like hell. And the worst part is, the people who I am actually feeling distant to right now are the people who are important to me.  People who matter to me.

Gah. This has got to stop already. I hate it. And the fact that there are only a few schooldays left scares me. I don’t want to end the schoolyear like this. Or rather, to spend the month before the last month of the schoolyear.. like this.

Damn. I miss how things were like before.

Alright.

No movies or tv shows for me during weekdays.
I need to READ. Like, read for FUN.

I miss reading books other than those school-related ones.

First on the list… Catching Fire.

30 Things About Me

So the hashtag #30ThingsAboutMe is trending today, and I figured I might as well post it here instead.

1. I’m a crammer. Yeah.
2. I hate sleeping. I find it… er, boring.
3. I’m currently addicted to Pretty Little Liars.
4. I play the guitar and piano.
5. I actually find Math fun. Yeah, no kidding.
6. I’m a coffee and tea person.
7. I love the number 14; and the color pink.
8. I like the feeling of being trusted.
9. I love reading movie plots and reviews.
10. I like reminiscing at random times.
11. I’ve been blogging since 2005.
12. I hate people who are too full of themselves.
13. I miss playing volleyball. 
14. I like stress.
15. I like  being in charge. Not totally, though. I also like being a follower and/or listener.
16. I don’t really like the feeling of having to make a decision that would eventually have long-term effects.
17. Taylor Swift inspires me.
18. I’m not really a makeup-y kind of girl.
19. Guys who are musically-inclined = turn on
20. I hate using the calculator.
21. I like oversized shirts.
22. I love Japanese, Italian, French and Mexican food.
23. People rarely see me mad.
24. I love buying books.
25. I hate not being taken seriously.
26. I like making to-do lists.
27. I’m not really brave enough to watch a horror movie alone.
28. I like old OPM songs.
29. I’m not really into pop-y dance-y music.
30. It wasn’t really that easy for me to.. y’know, list down 30 things about myself. Tough.

I AM HAPPY BECAUSE #7

.. of the fact that you actually trust me. Oh no, babaw ba? Di kasi. HAHAHA Really. The fact that you DO trust me to do stuff and all that makes me feel a bit special. I swear. ☺

Bored despite the things I HAVE to do.

Oh well. That’s life.

I AM HAPPY BECAUSE #6

I got to talk to someone a couple of times today! Weeee. Friendship ☺

I AM HAPPY BECAUSE #5

.. of those 2 phone conversations we had today.

Oh the little things ☺

Thank you thank you thank you! #inspired

I was actually planning to blog a little earlier but then.. As usual. Yeah, I’ve got some school work to do.

Oh well, I’m not yet done though. But still, alright. Here I am. Blogging about this blog-worthy day. (what?) But really. We had our Career Exposure Trip awhile ago and and and.. remember when I told you guys I regret putting Physical Therapy as my first choice on my last blog concerning this? Well… joke’s on me. I take it back.

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR HAVING THE CHANCE OF BEING PART OF THE PSYCHOLOGY/PSYCHIATRY GROUP TODAY. Even though that’s not exactly what I put on my list. ’cause I in fact am interested in being a physical therapist.

But anyway. I swear. Going to the Philippine Cerebral Palsy Inc. changed my outlook and view of Physical Therapy completely. I mean, seeing those children.. I don’t even know what to say right now. All I know is that they inspired me to be of service to others. To go on and be a physical therapist.

Gah seriously. I was SO close to crying earlier while I was at the SPED classroom. It made me want to be one of those people who’ll get to help children like them and all. Which is why I’m actually looking forward to volunteering there on summer! Yay.

Sigh. So this isn’t really permanent but.. well, I want to take Physical Therapy as my pre-med. Yeah, my pre-med. That is because I don’t really want to go abroad. (that’s the only choice I guess, if I don’t continue) .. so yeah. I’ll then go to Med School and all that. And oh I kind of also want to take a part-time job at SSC.

Oh please, Lord. Please give me all the time to fulfill these things.

Problem though is I’m not really sure if I want and am ready to commit my 8 (or more) years to Med School. But then.. who knows, right? The time may probably come.. someday.

And the Math courses I want to take up?

I don’t know anymore.

What. Is. Stressing.

I AM HAPPY BECAUSE #4

I actually got to face my fear of talking to you again awhile ago.

Of not knowing what to say.
Of having an awkward conversation with you.
Of embarrassing myself.
Of boring you.
Of acting weird or something.

ALL THAT.

I’m so thankful I had enough guts to take the risk and say “hello” earlier.